Annual Conference 2007 Golf Tournament

Fun, FUnkY, and For a Good Cause!

• Bulletin Insert Copy
• General Info

Fundraiser for Clergy Covenant Fund Coming Up

Annual Conference is fast approaching and now is the time to help us help each other. The copy below is for use as a bulletin insert and/or newsletter article to help us gain support for this worthwhile cause. We are asking each church to please take a moment and lift this up, so that the clergy covenant fund might grow and serve. If you have and questions or want to help contact me at: Paul Brunner pbrunner234@msn.com 303.279.2162 If you want to play in this fun and VERY relaxed tournement contact Bill Selby at integrit4u@comcast.net

The Clergy Covenant Fund helps ministers and their families who come upon financial emergencies. Like the minister whose child developed a rare disease which required extensive travel and time off. This Fund serves those who spend their lives serving others.

NOW, if you don’t play golf, or can’t make it that day you can still help out by sponsoring a hole, one of the special contests or making a contribution to the fund. Contact Pastor {your name here} or Rev. Paul Brunner at 303.279.2162 pbrunner234@msn.com if you would like to play in the tournament or if you will support this worthwhile cause.

Annual Conference Golf Tourney Reminder

Wed. June 13th, 7:30 am tee off time.
Register Now! with Bill Selby at integrit4u@comcast.net or Paul Brunner at 303.279.2162, pbrunner234@msn.com

FOUR WAYS TO BE INVOLVED
1. Sign up and Play -bring your friends. Golf Skills are not a prerequisite!
2. Make donation directly - especially for clergy who do not golf
3. Sponsor a Hole, a Special event (example - longest drive)
4. Donate Prizes
5. Sell any unused golf clubs in your house on ebay and donate proceeds!

All proceeds go to the Clergy Covenant Fund.
This event is sponsored by The Center for Pastoral Effectiveness
At Wellshire Golf Course at Colorado and Hampden, 3.8 mi from Annual Conference
Last year $2200 was raised...surely we can do better this year.
$125 Each for golf, cart, food, prizes.
Annual Conference activities DON'T BEGIN UNTIL WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON, so no excuses!

As you prepare for the Tournament. here are a couple of LAWS OF GOLF to ponder:
Law 6: The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified they deem themselves as an instructor.
Law 16: “Nice lag” translated means “lousy putt”.
"Tough break” translated means “way to miss an easy one, sucker.”

2007 Conference Golf Tourney Fund Raiser: Some Rules

The 2007 Conference Golf Tourney is at 7:30 am Shotgun Start, Wellshire GC, $125 towards golf and Clergy Covenant Fund. Contact Paul Brunner pbrunner234@msn.com 303.279.2162 or Bill Selby at integrit4u@comcast.net to join in the fun. Enjoy the rules below:

Rule 1 All members of foursome must count TWO drives each. All members of threesomes must count THREE drives each

Rule 4 A CUBIT of measure can be purchase for assisting your putting game. IF a ball stops short of the hole, you can use part of the cubit to complete the stroke, without penalty. Tie a knot to keep track of how much cubit you have left.

Rule 3 Up to TWO EXTRA DRIVES may be purchased (per person) to assist your driving games. Extra drives may be utilized, without penalty stroke. Extra drives may be traced within the foursome. Extra Drives CANNOT be utilized on holes for longest drive.

Rule 4 While putting, if the ball rolls DIRECTLY OVER the hole and did not go in, it is deemed to have gone in. God's law of gravity supersedes Golf's Law

Rule 5 We must remember that we are always ambassadors of God. Therefore, Rule #3 follows: If all four of your balls land in a water hazard, we do not count that a stroke. Nay, Nay! Shame if you thought that. No! We celebrate its' Baptism by taking another ball out and laying it in on the other side of the water. Then you must yell out very loud…..GOD I LOVE THIS GAME! IF you are telling the truth, you will not be assessed a penalty lighting stroke!

Rule 6 If you will read your Book of Resolutions you will fine under environmental concerns a list of major issues facing us including the concern for "the disappearance of world forest resources and the resulting changes in weather patterns." In keeping with this concern, “If all of your balls have come to rest in a place which causes a tree to be located between the ball and where the player wishes to hit the ball (preferably the hole) then, in accordance with BOOK OF DISCIPLINE (and we all follow that book) the player MUST move the ball so as to not damage the tree in any way. “ (This we hope will assist the weather to be warm and sunny throughout our play, as well as the disposition of the golfer.) Of course, when Rule 3 has been invoked the follow must be done as well. The golfer is required to celebrate this affirmation of the Book of Discipline by shouting "Book this! Book This! Book this" three times while dancing wildly in a circle. This, of course, should always be done with a bit of golfing decorum.

Rule 7 Following both Biblical rules both in Judaic law and Christian teachings, as well as Book of Discipline Rule (Regardless if which book you open first) the subsequent Rule 4 for the Annual Conference Golf Tourney is deemed necessary. If a ball is lost, another ball is replaced without a stroke penalty. Justification: If all four players hit their balls in a location where they cannot find it (hopefully they have looked in the hole first) and deem it necessary to lay down another ball to hit, then Biblical law and Book of Discipline law supersedes golf’s law and there is NO additional stroke penalty. Nay, Nay, on golfer of little faith! For someone will come along and find your ball for you. But will they seek you out and tell you? No. They will not ask if they can keep it but rather will take it away from you. That is stealing! (Now do you get the Biblical and Book of Discipline connection?) Since they are stealing your ball, which is a felony, they PGA (Preachers Golf Association) have determined there is no reason to add a stroke to a felony. Therefore, the player will lay another ball down in a nice playable space. Of course, such celebrations must be shared so the player must high-five their fellow players and announce to all in a loud voice, "Thou shalt not steal!"

Rule 8 Refers to the Unplayable Lie If a golfer finds their ball in an unplayable lie, i.e. it is deemed that the player cannot take a full swing at the ball or is on a sidewall, gravel road, the player is allowed to move their ball, no more than one club length, so as to have a full swing. However, when this is done, the "Unplayable Lie" will be announcing verbally with another "Unbelievable Lie" - they will announce the number attending their morning worship services.

Rule 9: (Courtesy of Dan Oneill) : Being a true United Methodist and affirming our historical heritage is an integral part of the great tradition of the Annual Conference Golf. When a golfer proceeds to hit their ball whose projection is in the direction of another player, United Methodist Law (Etiquette) supersedes golf's law. Golf's law would call for the golfer to yell loudly, FOUR! But we as United Methodist know that far before this etiquette law was ever considered, John Wesley was yelling "Quadrilateral!" Thus, we shall hear those words projected throughout the golf course, "Quadrilateral, Quadrilateral, Quadrilateral" both as a warning to those whose lives are placed in danger by a golf balls or by attending Annual Conference this year.

Rule 10 (Courtesy of Paul Brunner): If a golfer has a cell phone along and it rings, one stroke penalty. If the cell phone rings and the golfer answers it, two stoke penalty. If the call is from the Cabinet or the Bishop with a new appointment, a birdie is awarded.

Rule 11 Many a golfer has been known to have swung their golf club at the ball only to find that they have been the ball’s savior....that is they didn't even touch it. Now, some more crass golfers would refer to that as a "whiff” and "heap coals on the head" of the golfer by forcing (Yes, Forcing) them to add a stroke penalty to their score and their embarrassment. But "nay, nay", we say at the most gracious AC golf tourney. No, we again go to the ancient scriptures for aid in this matter. You see, the presence of God, or the Holy Spirit, is referred to as "A Mighty Wind.” Therefore, when a golfer fortuitously misses their ball and therefore creates "A Mighty Wind" he will shout out, "Holy Spirit!" This is to counter other "Holy S...." which has been uttered on the golf courses as well. Meanwhile, the other members of the foursome are also required to do something to support this Holy Spirit experience. They will take their lead from one of the heroes of the day.....Bob the Builder. They will shout out with encouragement, "Can he do it!?" Followed by "Yes, he can!”

Rule 12 When a ball is hit into the sand trap, random acts of kindness follow: If the player hits their ball into a sand trap, they can hit it out. (Yea, rrrriiiight!) But if the ball when hit does not clear the trap when struck the first time, the ball MAY be hit again WHILE STILL ON THE ROLL without counting an extra stroke. In no case, will the player be assessed more than two strokes, since it is only reasonable to assume that if the player had time to concentrate on their shot, instead of hurrying it to keep pace with the golfing group in front, which is a gracious and sacrificial move on their part, they would be out in two for sure. Such random acts of kindness are at the heart of our belief and therefore, no penalty more than two stokes shall be assessed.

Rule 13 Sometimes putts on the green end very close to the hole. Some golfers have been known to wait to pick up their ball in hopes that the "wind" will push it the rest of the way. Some may comment, "You could blow it in." Since we are a "Holy Spirit" kind-of group, the "wind" might be utilized. One golfer, from the four golfers playing together, is chosen to blow the ball towards the hole..... One blow only! This rule does not apply if the ball is more than three inches away from the hole....after all; no one wants to make a travesty of the game. Oh, one other thing, if you blow the ball in, you get your wish! Kind-of a birthday experience.